an outlet

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote here. I’m still trying to find time to consider my adjustment back into life in the States. My life has been busy lately, if not in reality then certainly in my mind. I have much to think about just in terms of daily living stuff and because of that I spend significantly less time thinking about things. That being said here is what I have been thinking about…

Three times in the last four days I have found myself sitting with different people explaining or discussing my time volunteering at the hospital in Guatemala. Each time I’ve suddenly realized that I’m back in that conversation and each time I wonder how my life is actually different. I know that I’ve witnessed a different kind of life and tasted a bit of its’ richness but I wonder how that is going to manifest itself in my life here. Beyond conversation how is my life different? These thoughts have been mixing with some thoughts from a book called Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. Palmer talks much about vocation and how our highest calling is to be our authentic self. So I’ve been thinking about how I’m really good at talking about lots of different things. How I can talk about my experience in Guatemala and people understand and are moved and interested. I can talk about building relationships, living like Jesus lived, lots of good stuff. But I always come back to this same thought. Do I actually do any of the things I talk about? I have some limited experiences but I don’t feel like I make a lifestyle of any of those things. I have known the fulfillment of combining new and changing experiences with communicating those experiences and am wondering where I can start experiencing a new part of life and learning about the Kingdom in a new way and combine that with an outlet where I can verbalize it and processes it. Right now I have a pretty good outlet for verbalizing but I don’t feel like I am taking a lot in. I am learning a ton at work, but it has little to do with my own growth. I guess in all I was spoiled in Guatemala by having all of my energy put towards thinking about my life and how I want to live it….

Well I have rambled long enough and if you’ve stuck with me this far I commend you. You’ve put up with a lot. Thanks.

I’ll leave you with a quote from a book called The Poisonwood Bible. It has nothing to do with what I’ve been talking about but it’s still thought provoking.
“ Some of us know how we came by our fortune, and some of us don’t, but we wear it all the same. There’s on ly one question worth asking now: how do we aim to live with it?”
p.9