These are interesting times. This twenty fourth year of my life finds me exactly where I wanted to be one year ago. Sitting here, in a coffee shop, a stones throw, well two throws if I'm throwing, from the river, windows filled with old brick buildings, snowing mountain tops and a sky mixing the deep blue sky of summer with the dark, bulbous clouds of winter...this is what we call spring. And it feels fantastic to finally be in this place again. But it's a bit torturous too. My current job is so unfulfilling, so offensive to who I am that all I can do is chuckle and pretend to find the humor in it- of which there is very little if you ask me!- I'm sorry to bore you with the petty complaints but you'll be happy to know that it has been good motivation to think of what is next. At present I am quite excited about a graduate program at Lesley University. It is a recent find and while I plan on applying I'm not entirely convinced it is the right program or the right time. Anyway, if you're interested check it out it is the Inter Cultural relations program with an emphasis in International Education Exchange (basically study abroad). Everything about the program seems perfect for me. It would also put me in a great position to work in a foreign country with a study abroad program. So...if you think about it I'd appreciate some prayers in that regard.
I'm currently thinking about failures, successes and how they weigh in in my life. Nothing new here but just a fresh reminder that God does not measure me. He does not put all of my actions, thoughts and feelings on a scale and weigh them out. He doesn't do that because he's not out for justice anymore. That whole idea was fulfilled in Jesus, remember the "Jesus died for your sins"' line...well it actually means something. When Jesus came the entire thing changed, Grace is the way now. God is not disappointed with us, He does not look at our lives and say, " I guess I'll forgive you again, but I'm getting sick of this". He doesn't do this because He loves us and that love is not tainted by our mistakes, nor is it brightened by our successes. We are not measured. I say this to remind myself, and you that we are not being punished when life gets hard. God does not say, "well, if she would have just loved more, or been a better mom then I would have kept the car from crashing". In the same way God does not look at our lives, determine we have loved well and make sure our house doesn't catch on fire. That may sound juvenile but do we, do I actually believe that? Do I actually believe that God does not think about or act differently towards me based on anything I do or don't do?
I do believe that and I thank God that it's true. The staff of Justice was upheld in Christ, now the art of Grace colors the landscape and bleeds into our hearts if we let it. Ask him, he'll show you.
I'm asking again father. show me again. tell me again.
recent discoveries.
The Shack by William P. Young
John Mark McMillan- check out the song #6 titled How He Loves in the music player above. It has been the theme song of the last week for me.
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